Children cannot be made good by making them happy, but they can be made happy by making them good.

Recently my brother travelled to India and visited Tibetan communities living in the south. He shared with me some signs he found on the walls of one of their primary schools. This one, in particular, resonated with me as a parent and an educator. We all want our children to be happy and good. From an early age, we guide them into making right choices, and when something goes wrong, we immediately want to make things better again.

What this sign is getting at is, when does an emphasis on ‘making them happy’ come at the expense of ‘making them good’. Buying children treats, expensive must-have items or keeping them from failure or disappointment, might make them happy in the short term, but does it help them to grow up to be ‘good’ people?

At Tatachilla, the TLC Cares acronym is one way of describing the ‘good’ child; At Tatachilla we value: cooperation, achievement, respect, encouragement and safety. This child cooperates with others, seeks to do their best, respects others and the world around them, encourages others and has a growth mindset and acts to safeguard their own safety in the physical and digital world. The development of these dispositions may come at the expense of short-term happiness. In order to be cooperative, I may need to compromise. In order to achieve at my best, I will need to choose to focus and engage in the learning. In order to respect others, I may need to put aside my personal feelings about them. However, in the long term, a child who is growing in character, knowledge and understanding, will develop an inner happiness that lasts and transcends the ups and downs of life, and is not dependent upon immediate gratification or pleasure.

As parents and educators, it can be hard to step back and say, ‘No,’ to buying the latest gadget, to allow our children to experience sad feelings, or to resist the temptation to step in and fix everything. But by making them ‘good’ through building character and life skills, we can help them to be truly happy.

Mr John Dow
HEAD OF JUNIOR SCHOOL